Secret Agent Sandile

Word count-3,370    
Just a wacky short story taking place years before Ostein moved to Pokette Town.

          It was about 6 pm, and the long languid rays of the summer sun lay across the still-bustling fairgrounds. The Ferris Wheel was picking up its pace, filling up with the young lovebirds seeking to take advantage of the semi-privacy of its booths and the romantic setting it provided, while the caramel apple vendors were doing their utmost to keep their junior patrons full of sugar.
Benny the Totodile and Ostein the Sandile ambled casually through the laidback, cheerful crowds, Ostein licking the inside of the paper cone that had only recently been full of cotton candy. Benny was on his fourteenth piece of bubblegum, so between the two, they held enough sugar to rival a fudge cake.
   Deciding that he was tired of nosing around the inner ring of his cotton candy stick, Ostein opted to toss the whole thing in his mouth, chewing it steadily. He was concentrating hard, so he was only half-listening to Benny’s constant monologue.
“Yeah, so I said to them, I said, “Hey, daddy-o, if you think you’re such a hep cat, why don’t you ‘n I go to it mano a mano, right?” and then he said, get this, he said “’Cuz I’m an Ekans, I don’t have manos, nerd!” Which, right, that totally frosted my cupcakes, daddy-o, like, we both knew he was just fixin’ to agitate the gravel, he didn’t want a serving of my knuckle sandwi- hey, Osgreen, you listenin’, daddy-o?”
   Ostein snapped upright, the soggy wad of paper slightly glueing his mouth shut. “Uh, uh huh!” He swallowed the glob and nodded vigorously. “Yeah, Benny, I was wistenin’! You’we cupcakes got fwosted, snaptwap!”
 Benny stopped his chatter as he stared at Ostein out of one eye, his head tilted. He thought that gazing at people like this gave him an air of shrewdness, while all it did was make him look like he had a horrible cramp in his neck. Benny was never sure how much Ostein really took in, and while he appreciated his constant adoring support and sycophancy, he always had a suspicious feeling Ostein knew more than he let on.
   “Mmmm….cupcakes….” Ostein drooled onto his shirt.
   Benny sighed. He was probably giving him too much credit.
  The two boys were headed for the exit when it caught Benny’s eye. It was a dark purple tent, simple and unadorned. It was set back, relatively far away from the rest of the fair, and while it was humble in adornments, it was the sheer size of the thing that intrigued Benny, as well as the imposing sign hung in front.
  “Hey, Osgreen! Cast an eyeball over there, daddy-o!” Benny grabbed Ostein and dragged him some distance before the tent. “ You seein’ what I’m seein’, baby?”
  Ostein paused. “Iiiiit’s…a tent?”
  Benny flung his arms out and brought his hands together in an artist’s pose, framing  the tent with his claws.
  “That’s close. It’s a mystery, that what I’m seein’, daddy-o. And mysteries need investigating.”
  Benny squinted at the sign. He now spotted a smallish desk to the left of the entrance flap, with a bored looking Poochyena behind it.
He scowled as he read the sign.
  “Dark types only? Buncha wet rags! Ah. Hmmm…”
  He looked over at Ostein. Ostein looked placidly back at him.
  “What awe you wooking at, Benny? Is dis anodew wide? I towd my ma I’d be home befowe nighttime….”
  Benny put his jacketed arm around Ostein’s shoulders.
   “Hey, hey, Osgreen! Don’t be a party pooper. It’s only sunset, daddy-o, we’ve got plenty of time. Just, uh, this ride is special.”
  Ostein got a bit excited. “Speshew?”
  “Mm-hm, special! It’s like, crazy, man, crazy good. Problem is, I can’t ride it.” He pointed to the sign, then spun Ostein around to face him.
  “But you can! Osgreen, I want you to ride it and have a blast. Then you’ll come out and give me the scoop, daddy-o, lay it all on me. Tell me how it was!”
  Ostein looked uncertain. “Wide it aww by mysef? I nevew done dat befow…..”
  Benny patted him on the back. He was deathly curious about the tent now, and if he could just get Ostein inside….
  “Come on, buddy! Those are some good illuminations I’ve got! You trust my ideas, right, daddy-o?”
  “…Yeeees….”
  Benny tapped the side of his head. “Then we’ve got it made in the shade!”
  He rummaged around in his pockets for a bit till he came out with what he wanted. Ostein went cross-eyed as he held them in front of his green nose.
  “This is a little mike and earpiece. You’ll wear them so we can talk and stuff.”
  Ostein didn’t question why Benny was carrying them around, but he was vaguely aware of Benny’s admiration and aspirations of spies like James Bonsly. His attention was more fixed on Benny’s cool red and white varsity jacket. He wished he had a jacket like that, but he had to settle for whatever his mama picked out. Not that of itself was terrible- he had zero clue of clothes shopping, so it was just as well.
  Benny tucked the mike into Ostein’s polo shirt collar, but paused when it came to the earpiece. Ostein had no ears. He rummaged around in his bottomless jacket pockets and came up with a piece of tape, sticking the earpiece approximately where he thought it should go. Ostein scratched at the mike, but grinned at Benny. Benny grinned back and gave him a gentle shove towards the Poochyena at her desk.
  “Go get ‘em, buddy!”
  The Poochyena didn’t even look up as Ostein stumbled up to the desk.
 “Hi, can I wide dis-“
  “You here for the Big Plan?”
  The abrupt question cut Ostein off so suddenly, he didn’t even notice the capital letters.
  “Uh…huh?”
  The Poochyena cracked her gum and flipped a page of her magazine, reciting a monotone speech as she did.
  “Mr. Max Shiftry is looking for you, you evil and ambitious Dark-types, to aid him in his Big Plan in world domination. Are you nasty?”
  Ostein blubbered for a second, caught off guard.
  “Wuh, no, yes? No?”
  She ignored him and went on in her bored monologue.
  “Are you ruthless? Are you unemployed? Then come on down to the fairground and become part of Mr. Max Shiftry’s Big Plan. Working evilly today for a bleaker tomorrow.”
  The Poochyena finally looked up at Ostein, lazily staring at him with her head propped on her paws.
Ostein had given up on understanding her and resorted to smiling ingratiangly, in the hopes it would get him somewhere.
The Poochyena blinked at his green, grinning face, then looked back at her magazine.
“Mmmmyeah, awright, go on in, honey.” And with that, she became oblivious to the world once more.
Ostein jumped to his tiptoes with excitement and headed for the front flap. He lifted it up, and looked over his shoulder at Benny in the distance. His friend flashed him a thumbs-up and Ostein waved back.
  He was in!
  ……Though to tell the truth, it was about the strangest ride he ever saw. In fact, it didn’t look like much of a ride at all. Despite the outside being a tent, the inside seemed to be more like an office, dimly lit to yellow by cheap flickering lights. Hallways stretched left and right, with ominous doors recessed into the walls at exact intervals, and the occupants were entirely of the Dark-type.
  “Heyyyy, Osgreen! Are you in, baby?”
  Ostein gasped and hit the side of his head. It was Benny!
  “Osgreen, Osgreen! Can you hear me? What’s the lowdown, ‘cuz?”
  Ostein remembered the earpiece on his head and let his hand fall, as Benny chattered through the little speaker. His voice, while audible to Ostein himself, turned into high scribbly noises to anyone standing next to him.
  “Osgreen! Ssscrrp scrwp srrp?”
  A nearby Zorua stopped and stared goggle-eyed at Ostein, who cheerfully gave him his biggest smile.
  “I’m in, Benny! Dewe’s doows and wights, and wots of Pokemon hewe, but no wide, snaptwap!” He shouted. He wasn’t sure if Benny could hear him right, what with being outside and all.
  Benny panicked through the speaker.
  “Hey, Osgreen, baby! Pipe down! This is a covert operation, buddy! Just whisper to me. But, doors? Doesn’t sound like any fairground ride I know. Sounds more like a sham. Osgreen, just keep on going in, awright?”
  “Sccrup ssreep sccrrrrp”, heard the Zorua, and that was enough for him. He backed away for about two seconds, then bolted. A sharp-eyed Weavile stared hard at Ostein.
  “Hooookay, Benny! I wiww just whispew!” Ostein hissed into the air. He started to trot blithely down the left hallway, smiling at Purrloins carrying strange chemicals and Umbreons welding sharp metal things together.
“Go through a door, Osgreen.”, commanded the voice in his ear, and Ostein obeyed, pushing open the closest one to him.
  He stepped through to a vast and dark room, more like a warehouse than anything. It was largely occupied by an enormous contraption, half-lit in the dingy gloom. Of what was visible was sharp and dangerous-looking, with buzz saws and chains dangling from nearly every surface. The meagre light only served to further highlight the cutting steel edges and tank treads, the machine silent but menacing.
  Ostein was quiet as he took it in, scratching at the mike, until Benny’s voice hissed in his ear again.
  “Osgreen, baby, what’s in there? What was behind that door?”
  The Sandile tilted his head, examining the behemoth from afar. “Uh, I fink I found da wide, Benny. Doesn’t wook wike fun, dough. I bet you have to be dis taww”- he gestured with his hand-“to wide it, snaptwap.”
  There was silence on the other end for a second. “Osgreen, clue me in. What does it look like? Does it look like, I dunno, an evil plot or something? Giant doomsday machine, yeah?”
  Ostein tuned out his voice, distracted by snoring. He followed the sound to see a lone Sableye sound asleep by a desk in the corner.                   As Ostein came closer, he could see his head was resting on some blue papers covered with white writing and shapes. He squealed with glee and clapped his hands together when he realized what it was. The souvenir stand! The guy must have fallen asleep on the job. Ostein pulled one of the papers out from under his head and dug around for some spare change in his pants pocket. He dropped a few coins on the desktop and made his way out of the dim room, humming.
  Benny was still talking though, but Ostein had gotten used to his voice in his head and ignored it without thinking. He was satisfied with the amount of snooping he had gotten done, and was intending on exiting, despite being totally lost. With his mind set on “autopilot”, he ambled along, following the sudden flood of Pokemon that seemed to heading to one place. If he had been listening, he would have heard the excited murmurs and anticipatory remarks, an audible hubbub filling the hallways.
Ostein scratched at his mike and trotted along blindly. The corridors opened up to a sort of atrium, with a stage set far back. The crowd spread out, sending Ostein to the center of the room, still scratching at his neck. By this time, his mike had endured enough abuse and quit, fizzling out without either Benny or Ostein noticing. Not that Ostein even remembered he had it on, he had forgotten about it a while ago. The earpiece however, was still going strong, and it’s hisses and squawks were earning Ostein some strange looks. He smiled back at everyone for a little while, then perked up when he heard a roar from the crowd. A large Shiftry sporting a dark purple cape had flounced onto the stage, waving his arms and bowing theatrically. With every flourish, the Dark-types would howl with sheer mob enthusiasm, save for the deadly serious Weavile on stage next to the Shiftry. The Weavile glared at the assembled audience, while the Shiftry began speaking.
  “Hail and hello, my fellow Dark-types!”, his over-dramatic voice boomed over their heads. “I, Mr. Max Shiftry, welcome you to today, the first day of our reign!”
  The crowd hooted and hollered, Ostein along with them despite having no clue what was going on.
  “OSTEIN! What is going on?!?” Benny screamed with frustration, but the crowd’s noise drowned his voice out.
  Max Shiftry continued. “Soon, so very soon, we will see our hard work come to fruition! Soon, we will unleash….THE MACHINE!”
  The audience by this time was in a frenzy, overpowering Benny’s voice.
  “OSTEIN OSTEIN OSTEEEEIIINN!”, he hollered to no avail.
  “THE MACHINE!”, bellowed Max Shiftry above the din, “ WILL RAZE THIS FAIRGROUND TO THE EARTH! THEN ACCUMULA WILL FALL! UNOVA NEXT…THEN…THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BEG US FOR MERCY! AHAHAHAHAAA!”
  Ostein’s head pounded with the sheer force of the noise, but he yelled with the best of them. After all, when in Kalos, do as the Kalosians do, right?
  Benny, on the other hand had enough, and loosed a Screech of frustration through the earpiece. Ostein gasped as the shrill sound pierced his head and carried through the overwhelming din.
  The crowd became quiet as heads turned toward Ostein. Mr.Max Shiftry stared at him.
  “OSTEIN, WHY AREN’T YOU TELLING ME ANYTHING? DON’T LEAVE ME IN THE DARK, MAN, WHAT IS GOING ON?”
  Ostein winced as he clapped his hands to his head.
  “SSCCRP SCRPL SRCP SRCRRUP SCRPLE!”
  The surrounding Pokemon began to back away from Ostein, gaping at him, their eyes bugging out. Ostein’s pressure on the earpiece finally caused it to give up and break, relieving him of Benny’s shrill wrath. He exhaled and looked up, noticing the eyes on him.
Ostein then did what came naturally to him in these situations- he grinned at everyone, basking in the glow of their attention.
  “Gee hee hee…”
  Feeling he should say something more, Ostein went on.
  “My fweind Benny Totodiyew wanted me to come on dis wide, I didn’t want to, but I went in anyway. I gwad I did, snaptwap! I got to see some gwate fings and I even got a souvineew!”
  He pulled out the blueprint he had gotten from the Sableye’s desk and happily waved it above his head.
  The effect was electric. The surrounding Pokemon gasped and Max Shiftry went berserk.
  “HOW WHY WHERE-“, he spluttered.  “How did you get- never mind!”
  He straightened up, and pointed an accusing leaf at Ostein, the crowd picking up on the mood and quickly becoming ominous. They started to close the circle around Ostein, teeth and claws bared. Ostein went on smiling hugely.
  Max gave his best crazed howl. “GET THAT SAND-“
  “INTERPOL! FREEZE!”
  A new voice rang out. It was the Weavile!
  He dived into the crowd, scattering the Pokemon around Ostein. The apathetic Poochyena was with him too, somehow baring Ice Fangs while fiercely chewing her gum.
  “Freeze! Or I’ll make you freeze!” The Weavile commanded again, ready to fire a Blizzard.
  The mob pulled back in sudden fear, leaving a circle around Ostein and the two agents.
  The Weavile slowly eyed the crowd, speaking as he did. “All those present are arrested on charges of aiding and abetting a criminal act. And as for the criminal in question-“ he turned sharply to aim his freezing claw at Max Shiftry, who was attempting an escape through the atrium doors.
  “Max Shiftry! You are under arrest for money laundering, theft, and malicious intent to take over the world!”
  Max snarled. “Charges on attempt to take over the world? That’s not a thing!”
  “Now it is.” Agent Weavile Ice beamed the Shiftry, freezing him solid.
  “Nice comeback, sir.” The Poochyena still managed to sound sarcastic and apathic, even while corralling the rest of the Dark-types.
  Ostein was slightly in shock from the preceding events, not being a common witness to battles or secret Interpol agents making an arrest. He snapped out of it quickly when Agent Weavile approached him and laid his claws on his shoulders.
  “Young Sandile! Under normal circumstances, you would be apprehended along with all these other no-goodniks. However! You are acquitted on account of providing us with concrete evidence of Max Shiftry’s evil schemes! You are a beacon of hope, young sir, for the youth of the world! Unova thanks you!”
  He yanked the blueprints out of Ostein’s grip, inciting a yelp of complaint from the green guy.
  “In return, Interpol bestows this honorary badge upon you, Agent Sandile!”
  Ostein’s indignation at having his souvenir taken from him was swiftly quelled by the shiny golden badge emblazoned with “SECRET AGENT”. He hadn’t understood more than half of what he had said, but he was happy enough with this gift. He began chomping on it to test its authenticity as Agent Weavile went on.
  “For whatever may come to pass, Interpol will be there! If herds of flaming undead Bidoof invade Kanto, we’ll be there! If alien Psyducks from Mars plan to replace our brains with loofahs, we’ll be there!”
  Ostein shoved the badge in his mouth, chewing diligently.
  “If there is a plate of warm cookies and milk and they’re showing reruns of “Igglybuffy the Vampire Slayer”, we’ll be there!”
  After a while, Agent Weavile finished his speech and bent down close to Ostein.
  “As I said before, Unova-and the world- thanks you, Honorary Agent Sandile!”
  Ostein still held the badge in his mouth but managed to approximate a “you’re welcome”
  “Yr wlmf” he said, drooling a bit.
  Agent Weavile nodded crisply, satisfied.
 “Junior Agent Poochyena, we’re off!”
  Junior Agent Poochyena yawned. “Huh?”
  The two of them began herding the crowd out of the atrium. Ostein followed at the back of the bunch, eventually recognizing the entrance where he had come in. The agents stayed inside, double and triple-checking their headcount.
  He hadn’t taken two steps before he was assaulted by a frenetic whirlwind of flailing blue arms.
  “OSTEIN! WHAAAAT HAAAAPENED? I thought you had tuned me out again and then I thought that you got in big trouble and then I thought you were knocked out by some gonzo with an agenda and I didn’t HEAR anything from you! WHAT HAPPENED?”
  Benny held his claws out in front of him, relief and annoyance crossing his face in turns as he tried to file his thoughts in order.
  Ostein looked at him, then leaned over and opened his mouth.
  “Pwah.”
  The wet and mangled badge dropped into Benny’s claws. Benny looked confused as he held it up, ignoring the spit.
  The chewed-up badge was crumpled and tooth-marked but it still proudly displayed the words “SGNT”.
   Benny sighed, giving up on getting any actual information. Must’ve been his overactive imagination anyway. It was probably just a weird fair ride.
  Ostein looked at him expectantly.
  “Well, Osgreen, I guess we’ve had enough of this scene for today. Let’s blow this joint.”
  The boys headed off towards the exit, Benny and Ostein walking in silence. The sun had gone down, leaving its trail across the sky painted with rose and orange waves, leaving the night sky in their wake. The fairground was still visible, though the edges had faded into the twilight blue spreading into the shadows.
  As they approached everyone bottlenecking the exit, Benny had an idea.
  “Hey, Osgreen, tomorrow, d’you want to play secret agents?”
  Ostein bobbed his head enthusiastically, prompting Benny to launch into an excited frenzy of planning.
  “GREAT so we’ll need to get some water pistols, daddy-o, along with some dark suit jackets. They’ve got to be straight from coolsville, so WE’LL look straight from coolsville, ‘cuz secret agents need to look the part, daddy-o. Also-“
  Benny stopped in his tracks when he saw the building to the right of the fair’s exit. It was dilapidated and grubby grey, with broken bricks and mortar belying its seeming disuse. Despite that, the cold steel door was guarded by a scowling Drilbur.
  Above the entrance was a sign. “GROUND TYPES ONLY”
  Benny gave Ostein a sly glance.
  “Hey, Osgreen, baby, want to do me a favor?”